February 2012
51 posts
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Screening the flatmate’s women.
or
MY WORD IS LAW.
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“Sometimes…I’m disappointed in the lack of Abba in the world.”
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“I should have been a plumber.”
– Albert Einstein
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Wheeeeeee
Doctor stuck me on zopiclone for my insomnia. Who’s going to have badass dreams? I’M GOING TO HAVE BADASS DREAMS!
“The only reason that was acceptable was because of how drunk I was.”
– Me, on the behaviour of me and everyone I know, on a daily basis
Wrapped my tiny Hullian’s room in cling wrap the other day.
She only just found out because she’s been at her boyfriend’s place for 48 hours.
Told her it was a reminder to wrap it up—safe sex is good sex, kids!
The awkward moment when you’re drunk and suddenly surrounded by French people…
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“You showing up drunk has COMPLETELY made up for you being late. It’s...”
– The Rocky Horror director to one of the actresses
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Beautiful and Terrifying
Me: Damn, their engagement party was just a frape.
Tiny Hullian: I SO wish I'd been there with you when you saw that!
Me: There were heart attacks. Many of them. And then I realised I could turn a profit.
Tiny Hullian: Can you even IMAGINE that shit show?!
Me: I was totally looking forward to it. I was going to give them espresso cups filled with jelly beans. I love me some goddamn weddings. I like to place bets with the other guests about how long it'll last, if the bride is pregnant, and if the in-laws are just pretending to approve.
Tiny Hullian: ESPRESSO CUPS FULL OF JELLYBEANS?! Holy FUCK! What are you going to get me for my wedding?
Me: I don't know; StumbleUpon hasn't given me any ideas epic enough for you yet.
Tiny Hullian: Dawwww! I'd get you industrial amounts of arsenic.
Me: For the perfect honeymoon...
Tiny Hullian: One day, dear, you're going to be the best ex wife anyone ever had.
Me: Or the best widow.
Tiny Hullian: It's conversations like this that make us beautiful and terrifying--like Galadriel.
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Rules of Engagement
Got some weird news this morning. This calm text belies how appalled and baffled I am.
EDIT: As it would turn out, my weird news was a frape. Therefore, I am allowed to post the full rant.
1. HOLY SHIT, kids, YOU SHOULD NEVER BE ENGAGED IN UNI. Unless you’re above the age to have already graduated from uni. YOU ARE BABIES.
2. If you have been together less than a year, don’t get...
SPOILERS, BITCHES.
Glee, what are you doing.
You just crashed a pick-up truck into Dianna Agron.
Glee, you are drunk.
“I think the moment I realised I drink too much was when I was making a vodka...”
I am one of those people who Facebook chats her roommate when she could easily just yell at him.
Actually, why the fuck aren’t I yelling at him?! Yelling is fun! WHEEEEEEEE
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Instead of using the excuse of devil’s advocate, I’m just going to admit that I like being a dick in tutorials.
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Things on my news feed right now:
-Girls uploading pictures of them and their friends in very little clothing.
-People bitching-to-brag about their hickeys.
-People being cute to their significant others.
-People complaining about being lonely only to have someone ask them on a date.
-People being awkwardly flirty with their objects of desire.
So, to conclude, my point was:
and
This has been your complaint of...
I hate teachers who don’t entertain. There is actually nothing worse than a lecturer who quietly reads from her notes and shows no interest in the topic herself. Plus, if she didn’t read so slowly you’d think she was giving us time to write down every single word, it’d cut her two-hour lecture in half.
BUT BACK TO TEACHERS AS ENTERTAINERS. You guys…it’s like...
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Cheese or Font →
Surprisingly difficult.
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Doctor Who Convention: Inspector Spacetime Web... →
I now know the cause and approximate date of my...
granthendrix:
Let me set the stage:
Friday, February 17th, 2012 - The day before my 21st birthday. The night of my 21 run.
Saturday, February 18th, 2012 - My birthday.
Sunday, February 19th, 2012 - The Sunday after my birthday.
Monday, February 20th, 2012 - No school. Presidents’ Day.
Tuesday, February 21st, 2012 - Mardi Gras.
This can only end well.
The time has come, sir. Good luck.
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Improving relationships, one sex toy at a time.
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Interests:
Using the word ‘motherfuckin” in absurd places, i.e., “I’m watching The Sound of motherfuckin’ Music, bitchez!”
“I’d get all the bitches if I were male.”
– Having solved my male friend’s female dilemma
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I’m in Verona/Venice with my tiny Hullian and my sexy Italian discussing the relation between souvenirs for people and the desire to rub genitals with those people.
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“Buy him coffee, touch him on the penis, just do something!”
– Love advice from my tiny Hullian
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On Catching Up With Friends
Me: I'm sure your life shall be filled with even more goodies by the time I return from Italy!
AfroMan: Do you know something I don't?!
Me: Um...I was referring to the planned adventures with your ex...unless there's something I should know and you shouldn't, in which case I totally know. Probably.
AfroMan: I didn't understand anything after 'ex'.
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I was both offended and aroused by the most recent episode of Glee.
Also, considering adopting the name ‘Professor Dollface’.
I just want to argue about locative media’s effect in Foucauldian panoptic discipline and then have angry sex, Y’KNOW?!
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Anonymous asked: Can I give you a rim job?